Relationship

For all you people out there with more experience than I have, which isn't saying much:

1. What is the difference between settling and allowing him to not be perfect?

I have the impression that it is a fine line, and if I cross it, then I'd better come to terms with it fast or I'll be miserable. I recognize that I'm not going to find perfect. I don't deserve perfect because I'm not perfect. But I also don't want to settle with someone who won't honor me or cherish our relationship. And with the way society is raising these so-called "men", the outcome isn't looking good. (Society's version of "women" today sucks, too.) I guess I'm just starting to doubt that the good men won't recognize me because of the jaded point of view because of all the "today's women" that they encounter. I've read that there is this "Men, Stay Single!" push out there now because so many people have been allowed to want what is bad for them. I don't think that staying single is going to solve the problem. I believe that we should recondition ourselves and what we look for in a mate. We need to look at what has worked in the past. Find people celebrating their 60th anniversery. Shoot, nowadays, finding a couple celebrating their 15th is a feat in and of itself. We need to learn what it means to be sacrificial, to put others' needs before our own, but also know how to not be walked over.

I say all this because I don't want to settle for an effeminite guy who thinks he's becoming what women want by getting in touch with his feelings. I don't want to settle for a guy without integrity or honor. But then, I come back to the question of where is the line between settling and allowing him to not be perfect? Is it okay if he can't get along with my family? I've experienced the heartache that can cause. Is it okay if he doesn't agree with a gun in the house? I mean, where's the line?

B. What is the difference between expecting change and expecting growth?

I know it isn't right to try to change a person, as much as it isn't right for someone to expect me to change for them. And I recognize the difference between adjusting to a person and changing for a person. I guess a lot of why I don't understand this is because I don't understand men. I grew up in a household with a mom and 3 sisters. That's it. My dad was absent, and I never lived with brothers. People tell me men are simple to understand, but it's not that easy when I'm struggling to figure out the women I've lived with. I think my biggest problem is that I've not had a MAN to be around and learn what it really means to have a man in my life to where I could recognize one when I see one. So what are the differences between a boy and a man, and a loser and a man?


Sorry about the bit of a lecture in there, but I'm discouraged. It seems that when I think I've found someone that is a good guy, he doesn't recognize me or he's all about being single. And then someone who I don't think is going to turn out to be my type does ask me out because I can already see signs of how he assumes all women want the "sensitive" type.

I want a man who will be a man. A man who is willing to be responsible as the head of the house. A man who has integrity, honor, valor, courage, determination, wisdom, and patience. I understand that I'm not going to find all that in a young man. But I'm uncertain what to look for that shows signs of these to be grown into.

Okay, with this, I will leave it up to y'all to comment or leave me with bits of wisdom and discernment.